


Watercolours

by Gurkenkopf



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 18:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14502492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gurkenkopf/pseuds/Gurkenkopf
Summary: The end of Infinity War, basically Bucky and Steves perspective on things. SPOILERS for Infinity War.





	Watercolours

**Author's Note:**

> so I have far too many emotions, this is me handling those. I have never really written anything before, also I am not an english native speaker, so please be kind.
> 
> also again:  
> SPOILERS for Infinity War.

The tingling feeling was the thing that tipped off Bucky.

The last time he felt like fading away was in Zolas lab, screaming in agony, welcoming the pain and hoping he would be eradicated by it. But still, this was different now, it felt more like being slowly erased.

His mind tried to make sense of what just happened, but everything moved too fast. It seemed like Bucky’s world was spinning slower, falling behind. Everybody moved somehow in slow motion and with every passing heart beat the tingling feeling became more palpable.

His eyes fell on Steve, his brows furrowed, a hint of panic in his eyes.

Suddenly everything else moved into the background, the screams and noises from around faded, became a distant humming. Bucky could just feel something was so noticeable wrong, something concerned Steve so deeply, everything else became unimportant.

He wanted to move closer to him, help and ask him, but his feet didn’t follow his orders. Ash was clouding his field of vision, he looked at his hand dissolving.

He didn’t understand, why couldn’t he move, reach Steve?

 

_“Steve?”_

His voice was too gentle, uncertain even.

He looked up and locked eyes with him. A ragged breath escaped Bucky, as he could see him growing even more bewildered, panicked.

Steve’s lips parting, wanting to call out his name but his face becoming blurry.

He looked just like one of the watercolour paintings he liked to draw way back, black lines dissliming under the sheer amount of water, harder and harder to identify…

Buckys last thought was still stuck on one of the paintings in their apartment back in Brooklyn.

* * *

 

Everything happened too fast.

He couldn’t grasp it. The answer, the conclusion lay on the tip of his tongue, but for now he could not find the right words.

Thanos gone, Steve’s eye fell onto Wanda and Vision. The latter pale in comparison of the colours around. Could this be because of-

_“Steve?”_

His head snapped around, something in Bucky’s voice startled him. His friend eyes too big and full of fear. His body dispersing, his hands quickly fading.

The gun dropped to the floor, and all too fast there was nothing left of him.

Only Ash floating around, making the air hard to breath.

The faint smell of Bucky, his Bucky, tingling in Steve’s nose. A few shaky steps and he kneeled next to Bucky’s gun.

His fist clutching the soil.

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.

This couldn’t be real, not again.

He promised to his self, he would not lose Bucky again.

A glimmer of hope spread through his chest, if just Vision was all right, everything would be okay. This again, was just a dirty trick of Thanos.

He turned around just to see Vision being shrouded with black particles, Wanda suddenly gone.

Steve shook his head, no this was not happening, this can’t be.

He stumbled towards Visions body and in shock, he spotted the empty hole where once the Mind Stone was.

Steve didn’t realize his feet betrayed him as his body slumped to the ground.

His hand still clasping onto Bucky’s ashes. The realisation, the defeat pressing all the air out of his lungs.

They lost.

He just lost, he lost… everything.

_“Oh god.”_

 

He didn’t notice Nat, or any of the others behind him. Didn’t hear Bruce asking, repeatedly, what just happened.

All he could think, see, and hear was Bucky.

Bucky and his last moment. Bucky’s last word, his name, tumbling from his lips. Bucky’s eyes full of uncertainty. And he again was not fast enough, fast enough to reach him.

If he just moved. If he would have just reached him, maybe he could have made a difference. Comfort him. Hold him. Be with him.

This life didn’t want them together it seemed. Always ripped apart, just when he thought… just when he hoped.

 

A tiny hand gently touched his shoulder. _“Steve._ ”

He flinched, suddenly his name has become a weapon against himself.

As he looked up and into Natascha’s eyes, he began to realize, that he could not let himself break down. Not now, not yet. This was not the time.

With a short nod he rose from the ground.

Behind Nat, he could make out a few of his friends.

He frowned at her. “ _Sam_?” she shook her head. “ _Rhodes_?” again she answered the same way. “ _T’Challa_?” This time it was Okoye’s voice, sharp and simple “ _gone_.”

Too many erased from existence. Too many friends lost, too many holes in the hearts of the people they left behind.

Steve raised his voice: “ _We should move, go back, find others. See who is left_.”

Every one of them didn’t know what to do anyways, so they followed him in silence.

* * *

 

They spend hours finding people, who where left, explaining the unexplainable. And every time it hurt Steve even more.

Pictures of those he lost replaying constantly in his head.

Sam, Wanda, Vision, Rhodes, Bucky…

Like a movie playing on repeat. But he didn’t project any of his pain to the outside.

After every picture he just repeated his mantra: now is not the time to mourn. He had to be strong, had to be the Captain. Oh, how he hated his decision to every join the program.

His resolve got tested way too often.

He watched Okoye talk to her people, to Shuri. Finding tears on the cheeks of the two women.

He saw Thor comforting Rocket, who walked cursing up and down, screaming about his loss, about justice, about finding the rest of them.

And again, and again he only could think of Bucky. Bucky and his ashes he still got clutched in his left fist.

 

He walked up to Bruce and Nat, who where quietly talking with each other.

As Steve approached them, they looked up. “ _We should look for Tony_.” Even to himself his voice sounded flat and empty.

Bruce nodded as Nat said: “ _I have already called Pepper, but I could not reach her_.” All three of them feared what this meant.

Had Thanos taken even more of their friends?

“ _What is the plan Cap?_ ” Bruce asked, as if Steve had any answers. He racked his brain for something, anything to help them. “ _We probably should fly back. Assemble the team_.” At this, his voice came to a halt.“ _See who is left. Figure out what happened._ ”

It was not much, and he could see that both knew, it wouldn’t make a god damn difference. But it was the only thing he could think of.

Nat gently touched his left hand, which was still balled into a fist. Bucky’s ashes remaining safely in them.

“ _Maybe tomorrow. Get some rest Steve._ ” At this she walked away, Bruce following her not far behind.

* * *

 

He wandered aimlessly, but when he found himself in Bucky’s room he wasn’t surprised.

Memory’s of the few times he visited him here clung sweetly in the air.

As he dropped onto the bed, Steve finally opened his fist. There was not really anything there anymore, except the dirt that stuck to his sweaty hand.

Nonetheless he collected the remains ever so carefully and filled them into an empty bullet shell.

Tears stung in his eyes as he realized that this, this little bullet filled with ash, was everything that was left of James B. Barnes.

And in this moment, he knew, he would give anything to get him back. Hear his laugh and see his smile. Feel the reassuring touch of his hand on his cheek.

He sunk back onto the bed, Steve’s head buried into the pillow.

Bucky’s unmistakable smell, the smell of sunshine and dusty rooms in Brooklyn, surrounding him, comforting him as hot tears fell down his cheek.

Pain, Agony covering him like a blanket as he welcomed the night with silent sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, thanks for reading, I hope you liked it and it was not total bullshit haha. I don't know if I should continue, but I probably will since I am desprate for a reunion. If you have time, it would be nice to hear your thoughts and suggestions of improvment. so yeah, lots of love.


End file.
